Personalize your ceremony by writing your own vows

By Paul R. Huard, Copley News Service

It’s a marriage made in heaven and you want to make promises unlike anything ever heard on Earth.

Write your own vows! A more personal statement than traditional wedding liturgy or ceremonies, you can fill the words spoken in love to your spouse-to-be with readings, poems, phrases of unity, even music.

Like the idea, but have too many other wedding details on your mind to wax creative? Some simple guidelines can help.

Start with tradition. The Anglican wedding service (“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here ... “) is considered too stodgy for contemporary weddings, but it has strengths worth examining. There are promises of love, fidelity, honor and commitment in response to questions posed by the priest or minister officiating. Examine the wedding services from your religious tradition. See if there are ideas or phrases that you cherish, then write them in your own words.

Alison Libby is led to the alter by her father Matt Libby to marry Tim Winslow. The couple was married at the Vesper Hill Children’s Chapel in Rockport.
KARI HILT PHOTO

Talk with your beloved about marriage. Listening to each others’ beliefs, hopes, dreams and expectations will open your eyes to the commitment you’re about to make. Take what you find and craft them into your own vows, using words that speak from your hearts.

Pull out the thesaurus. Find all the synonyms for “love,” “forever,” “bride,” “groom” or any other words that express your feelings. Use those words in your vows.

Start reading. The Bible, Torah, Koran and other great works of faith say plenty about marriage and love. If you are mixing religious traditions with this marriage, consult the sages of both your faiths to find readings of special meaning.

Don’t forget literature. Shakespeare isn’t the only author who wrote about love. Poems, novels and song lyrics have dealt with the passion and the purity of married love since the dawn of time. Resources include:

* “Love Songs and Sonnets” (Everyman Pocket Library of Poets), edited by Peter Washington (Knopf).

* “Into the Garden: A Wedding Anthology,” edited by Robert Hass and Stephen Mitchell (Harperperennial Library).

* “A Book of Love Poetry,” edited by Jon Stallworthy (Oxford University Press).

* “Weddings From the Heart: Contemporary and Traditional Ceremonies for an Unforgettable Wedding,” by Daphne Rose Kingma (Conari Press).

Borrow freely. Is there something from a romantic movie, favorite opera, beloved musical production that makes you and your intended misty-eyed? Is there a song or other kind of music that speaks to your heart? Does a particular love story or novel about timeless romance say something about your relationship? Use it!

Tell a story. Personal anecdotes are a wonderful way to share your love with guests and one another. How did you meet? What really went through your mind when this person asked you for the first date? How did you weather a storm in your relationship? How did he or she stand by your side when the going got tough? Telling the audience about the times you’ve experienced together will give guests a unique window on your love and marriage.

Use humor. It’s OK to take a lighthearted approach, even if this is the most important promise you’ll ever make to another person during your life. Don’t joke about the commitment you’re making, but add some laughter through promises to love one another in spite of dirty laundry, channel surfing, fad fashions and obnoxious friends.

Ask for audience participation. Friends and family not in the wedding party at the altar can be asked to speak about the couple. Or, they can ask questions of the couple about what they are ready to promise.

Just remember a few more pointers:

Keep it simple. Long orations, interpretive dances and art displays might be your goal, but in the end will anybody else understand what your wedding stated? A wedding is a public declaration of love and a promise to be with one another forever. Strive to have a clear ceremony that will communicate those important points.

Discuss the vows with the officiant. The person marrying you will want to be on board the same train called your wedding. Talk to your minister, priest or rabbi about what you want to say and what you expect their role is. They’ll tell you what they can do to honor your intentions.

Write it down. It’s OK to use cue cards, cheat sheets, whatever it takes to get your lines right. Don’t try to memorize your wedding vows unless you are an accomplished thespian.