Old-fashioned thank yous are much appreciated

By John O’Connell, Copley News Service

In this age of e-mail and cell phones, has the thank-you note gone the way of the passenger pigeon?

No way, according to a spokeswoman for Hallmark Cards Inc. Good manners and letter writing may, in fact, be making a comeback, if the card company’s research is any indication.

Thank-you cards accounted for 2 percent of card sales throughout the industry in the late 1980s.

Today, thank-you cards represent 3 percent of the market. And about 30 percent of consumers today say they are writing more letters, the card company reported.

“A number of social trends seem to be fueling this increase of not only thank-you notes and card use, but also letter and note writing in general,” said Rachel Bolton, a spokeswoman for Hallmark.

“The return to interest in tradition ... intensified interest in nurturing relationships, a refocusing on manners and etiquette and more entertaining in the home are some of the forces that may be behind this renewed interest in note letter writing.”

For Hallmark, thank-you note sales were up 14 percent in 1999 over the previous year.

During her many seminars on etiquette in the workplace, Marjabelle Young Stewart, the doyenne of good taste, also sees more interest in the social graces among young people. But not everyone is getting the word.

“On my book tour, the question I am most often asked is: ‘What to do when you don’t get a thank-you note for a wedding gift?’” said Stewart, who recently traveled the country promoting her book “Common Sense Etiquette.” Her guide to gracious living, published by St. Martin’s Press, is one of 15 etiquette books she has in print.

“From the number of questions I get on this subject, I would say a great percentage of brides aren’t writing thank-you notes,” Stewart said. “I tell brides the only time you don’t write a thank-you note is when you don’t receive a gift.”

To e-mail or telephone a thank-you for a gift, especially a wedding present, is a “no-no,” Stewart said.

A personal, handwritten note is still the most appropriate way to respond, Bolton said. “An e-mail doesn’t have the personal quality or impact of a hand-written message,” she said.

“There is a different feel getting an e-mail as opposed to a personalized thank-you note. An e-mail is a great, quick way to communicate. But, it’s too public for personal messages. And thank-you notes are often saved as keepsakes. That isn’t possible with a telephone call, and not likely with an e-mail.”

Perhaps the thank-you note that is most anticipated is for a wedding gift. Not sending a thank-you note for a wedding gift remains a serious breach of social etiquette, Stewart said.

“Most people expect a thank-you note for a wedding present,” Stewart said.

“If you don’t send one, the gift giver can only wait and wonder. Did the store send the gift? Did it get lost? It’s just rude not to send a personalized note.

“When you think that the gift giver may have spent a half day looking for just the right gift, and then took time to have it gift-wrapped, a personalized thank-you note, which takes just three minutes, is not too much to ask. It only takes three sentences to write a thoughtful thank-you note,” Stewart said.

Traditionally, it has always been the bride’s responsibility to write thank-you notes. But in these changing times, both the bride and groom may write them, according to Stewart.

“It shouldn’t be seen as a chore,” Stewart said. “When my husband and I were married in 1963, we made it fun. He prepared dinner and champagne, while I wrote the cards. As I wrote, it was a chance to relive our wedding day. And, we would talk about each gift.”

A common belief is that one has six months to a year to write thank-you notes for wedding gifts. Unless it’s a royal wedding, Stewart believes that is too much time.

“I always say, as soon as possible,” she said. “Two months after the wedding is enough time. Any longer and Aunt Nellie will be worrying you didn’t get her gift.”

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Old-fashioned thank yous are much appreciated By John O’Connell, Copley News Service In this age of e-mail and cell phones, has the thank-you note gone the way of the passenger pigeon? No way, according to a spokeswoman for Hallmark Cards Inc. Good manners and letter writing may, in fact, be making a comeback, if the card company’s research is any indication. Thank-you cards accounted for 2 percent of card sales throughout the industry in the late 1980s. Today, thank-you cards represent 3 percent of the market. And about 30 percent of consumers today say they are writing more letters, the card company reported. “A number of social trends seem to be fueling this increase of not only thank-you notes and card use, but also letter and note writing in general,” said Rachel Bolton, a spokeswoman for Hallmark. “The return to interest in tradition ... intensified interest in nurturing relationships, a refocusing on manners and etiquette and more entertaining in the home are some of the forces that may be behind this renewed interest in note letter writing.” For Hallmark, thank-you note sales were up 14 percent in 1999 over the previous year. During her many seminars on etiquette in the workplace, Marjabelle Young Stewart, the doyenne of good taste, also sees more interest in the social graces among young people. But not everyone is getting the word. “On my book tour, the question I am most often asked is: ‘What to do when you don’t get a thank-you note for a wedding gift?’” said Stewart, who recently traveled the country promoting her book “Common Sense Etiquette.” Her guide to gracious living, published by St. Martin’s Press, is one of 15 etiquette books she has in print. “From the number of questions I get on this subject, I would say a great percentage of brides aren’t writing thank-you notes,” Stewart said. “I tell brides the only time you don’t write a thank-you note is when you don’t receive a gift.” To e-mail or telephone a thank-you for a gift, especially a wedding present, is a “no-no,” Stewart said. A personal, handwritten note is still the most appropriate way to respond, Bolton said. “An e-mail doesn’t have the personal quality or impact of a hand-written message,” she said. “There is a different feel getting an e-mail as opposed to a personalized thank-you note. An e-mail is a great, quick way to communicate. But, it’s too public for personal messages. And thank-you notes are often saved as keepsakes. That isn’t possible with a telephone call, and not likely with an e-mail.” Perhaps the thank-you note that is most anticipated is for a wedding gift. Not sending a thank-you note for a wedding gift remains a serious breach of social etiquette, Stewart said. “Most people expect a thank-you note for a wedding present,” Stewart said. “If you don’t send one, the gift giver can only wait and wonder. Did the store send the gift? Did it get lost? It’s just rude not to send a personalized note. “When you think that the gift giver may have spent a half day looking for just the right gift, and then took time to have it gift-wrapped, a personalized thank-you note, which takes just three minutes, is not too much to ask. It only takes three sentences to write a thoughtful thank-you note,” Stewart said. Traditionally, it has always been the bride’s responsibility to write thank-you notes. But in these changing times, both the bride and groom may write them, according to Stewart. “It shouldn’t be seen as a chore,” Stewart said. “When my husband and I were married in 1963, we made it fun. He prepared dinner and champagne, while I wrote the cards. As I wrote, it was a chance to relive our wedding day. And, we would talk about each gift.” A common belief is that one has six months to a year to write thank-you notes for wedding gifts. Unless it’s a royal wedding, Stewart believes that is too much time. “I always say, as soon as possible,” she said. “Two months after the wedding is enough time. Any longer and Aunt Nellie will be worrying you didn’t get her gift.” Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com • Bridal Guide • Home •