No wienies at my wedding

By Kim Ames

     I’m not asking for much really.

     I want a church wedding with a spring-themed reception. I don’t want a large wedding party, and I don’t want mini hot dogs. I’m not asking for much -- really.

      When I became engaged in July 2004, I couldn’t have been happier, but it only took moments for anxiety to set in. It was a warm summer day when my then would-be fiance Jason asked me to be his wife as we were sailing Penobscot Bay aboard his brother’s schooner, the Olad. It was the perfect day -- the kind a girl dreams of throughout her childhood.

Kim Ames and Jason Lincoln plan a May 20 wedding.

      I was elated at the thought of marrying my best friend but at the same time, my mind could not stop racing. We had not even docked the boat and all I could think about were the wheres, whens and whats of the big day. I had a lot to do.

      My parents were ecstatic as we spread the news and my mother seemed to have the day already planned in her mind. I grew up in the small inland village town of Sebec, which is about 45 minutes north of Bangor -- so basically the middle of nowhere. My mother immediately thought of the local community church where our family holds its annual Thanksgiving feast in the parish’s kitchen and that there must be a local American Legion to host the grand party after the ceremony.

      That’s when I had to interrupt her thoughts. I explained to her that I wanted to have the wedding in my new hometown.

      My mother responded by doing what moms do best -- not telling you exactly how they feel or what they are thinking, but somehow still managing to make you feel bad.

      “If you have it down there, no one will come,” my mother said, still in the mind-set that we live in the age of horse and buggy and the two-hour drive to Rockland is like the expedition of Lewis and Clark.

      “If they (my family) love me, they will come, and if they don’t want to come because it’s not convenient for them then I don’t care,” I told her.

      Argument No. 1 -- Check. Now, let’s move on.

      As I began to look for possible reception locations, I had to think about the size of just my family alone. My father is the youngest of five and his oldest brother has eight children, not the mention his kids have kids who have kids. How was I ever going to figure this out?

      As a compromise, I decided to invite my aunts and uncles, then select from a few of the cousins who have personally been a part of my life.

      But that’s when the mother of all this madness came into play -- my 96-year-old grandmother, who has no qualms about telling you how she feels. I guess that’s where I acquired the trait of brutal honesty.

      “Well, Kim has never been a family person,” she told my mother when my mom explained why I could not invite the entire Ames herd.

      I must remind you I lived 18 years in a town that contains 85 percent of my family and I could not walk to the neighboring store, which my uncle owned, without running into someone who is an uncle, aunt, cousin, husband or wife of a cousin. Even the family my grandfather’s sister married into lives in the town, and they tell me we’re all related. I couldn’t help but be a family person. The only difference is that I moved away.

      I must admit I was hurt by my grandmother’s bashing, but I didn’t let it get me down. My mother, who is convinced no one will come to my wedding anyway, told me to invite the family in its entirety.

      “Invite them, they won’t come anyway,” she reminded me.

      “And if they do come, there isn’t a building big enough to put them in,” I yelled back.

      I opted to do things my way and plan to invite who I want. No matter what I decide, someone, somewhere will be upset.

      Argument No. 2 -- Avoided without getting too red in the face.

      Jason and I chose 2006 because more than five of our friends had weddings in 2005, and my fiance and I were asked to be in two of them. Also, I figured a year and a half to plan my day would be plenty of time to avoid becoming a Bridezilla. Jason tells people I put him on probation, which is the cause for the delay.

      We, well I, decided to have the wedding in May because ivory tulips will be beautiful and unique. After all, the wedding is supposed to complement the couple and I love flowers; tulips and lilies are my favorite. I’ve always thought silver would be a gorgeous wedding color, and I found a lilac color to complement the silver. The details slowly started to pull together.

      After much research, we discovered many places in the Midcoast cannot accommodate parties larger than 100 people without costing a small fortune. However, I found Echo Hill Lodge in St. George to be perfect. Plus, the walls and posts around the dance floor are already decorated with white lights and tulle so I wouldn’t have to spend a lot on decorations.

      Since we have a strict budget I asked my mother and her two sisters to make the food and they generously agreed. One day while discussing food choices with my mother she mentioned she wanted to make sweet and sour hot dogs -- you know, the kind you serve at holidays and Superbowl parties in a Crockpot.

      Not wanting to start another argument and turn my nose at every idea my mother brought forth about my wedding, I did not say anything. After all, maybe she would forget about the wienies after she planned the other dishes.

      I was wrong. She mentioned the wieners again, and I had to put a stop to it before my wedding turned into a hoedown and she hired Jeff Foxworthy to serve as emcee. She took the news OK because she had a new idea -- paper bells.

      We stopped at the Brown & White Co. in Bangor while shopping to browse the selection. I saw my mom eyeing the bells and her hands reached up to snag some before all the other mothers-of-the-brides rushed in to snatch them. I cringed.

      “We are not doing paper bells,” I said.

      “You need paper bells,” my mom said excitedly, adding, “that way people will know they are at a wedding.”

      Now I’m pretty sure, the invitation will indicate they are invited to a wedding, but again, not wanting to bash my mother who is only trying to help her youngest child have the wedding of her dreams, I offered a compromise. I told her if she really wanted these tacky paper bells, she could only put them on the food table.

      She agreed and now we’re both happy.

      Argument No. 3 -- Avoided with finesse.

      With every wedding comes a few obstacles every bride will have to jump over. Here are some ideas to keep you sane and get your family and friends involved in the planning.

      Set an ideal budget before you start planning -- the price of the day can quickly add up! Also decide whether it will be large, small, formal or informal.

      Provide each set of parents a list of everything you’ll need and a cost estimate. When they see how much a wedding costs firsthand, they most likely will offer some financial assistance.

      Give each mother a list of family members and ask them to compile addresses for you. If you have friends who recently tied the knot, ask them to pass on addresses of friends you may be inviting, too. Be sure to get an address book.

      If possible, allow the bridesmaids to choose their own style of dress or provide some selections you like and ask their opinions on which they like best.

      Don’t buy bridal magazines in the grocery store; they cost about $5 for one. A year’s subscription costs less than $20.

      If you’re planning a wedding in the Midcoast, the Rockland-Thomaston Area Chamber of Commerce sells a wedding packet full of brochures of different local services, from reception sites to transportation and catering services. It’s a great place to begin gathering ideas and imprinting a picture in your mind of the big day.

      Despite all the stress and confrontations with family or friends, they really are there because they want to help and when it comes down to it, your day will be perfect, despite the little quirks that seem to cloud your path down the aisle.

      Kim Ames is a news reporter for The Courier-Gazette and is taking the plunge May 20. She can be reached at kames@courierpub.com.